Tuesday, January 15, 2013

love is not measured in red roses.

I have seen social media and the blog world imploding upon itself over the past week because the latest installment of The Bachelor began airing. I want to note - I'm not judging anyone for watching it, I even watched the first couple of season myself quite a few years ago, but the older I've gotten the more disappointed I've become in the influx of love-based reality television shows. I don't care what anyone else says - it's not real. Furthermore, these shows and the way relationships are cultivated and presented give audiences a very false representation of what love is, and many people do not differentiate them from reality.

It doesn't take working in television or going to school for it (I've done both) for a person to say that a fair amount of that drama is staged, invented by the producers, and oh yeah the writers... Arguments and jealousy are encouraged. Because it's a competition of course the majority of contestants are trying to win the "prize" at all cost (in this case a husband/wife) and no one (almost no one) will admit that they aren't attracted to that prize over the course of the competition, it's just about winning.

There is a very obvious formula for this kind of reality show: attractive male/female seeking husband/wife and the catch is always that 20+ potential husbands/wives will all be dating the initial person at the exact.same.time. There is always some goody two shoes or girl/boy-next-door type who has been done wrong that people root for, some crazy person who goes into hysterics over not being chosen immediately (or gets some creepy tattoo,) someone who is too good to be true (and they usually end up having a kid from a previous relationship, SHOCKER (not) like that's some horrible thing,) and then a bunch of mediocre normal people who get air time, but not as much as the others because they aren't oddities. Simply put: In the real world this shit would not fly.

No man or woman alive would ever be excited at the prospect of dating 20 people at the same time, especially if the goal was to find someone to spend their life with. Sure, you may date 20 people and more over the course of your life, but just not at the same time. (I can't imagine how much time and money that would cost.) Not to mention, it sounds exhausting, because it would be. You cannot truly get to know someone if you can't even focus on who they are and allow them to get to know you, one on one.

When it gets down to it, it bothers me that love has become a contest. It is the last thing that should be treated that way. Love is wonderful and it's not something that should be rushed into days and mere weeks. Love takes time and should be nurtured and appreciated, not treated like a game. Love grows between two people, not dozens. Love is not measured in red roses.

It grows in moments, late at night when you find yourselves walking down quiet streets hand in hand, making your way home after a night out. When you're searching for the perfect record to put on while you cook dinner or dance around the kitchen like a fool. That time you decided building a fort out of lamps and blankets was the perfect way to watch a movie together. Early in the morning when you find yourself poking fun at bedhead and finding happiness in waking next to your person. Sunday afternoons when you're on the couch screaming at your favorite football team together, hoping they'll score a touchdown. Nights when you get dressed up and go out to a nice dinner, just for fun to enjoy one another's company. You don't have an audience or producer guiding you in those moments, they just are.

There will come a day when you can no longer say "We never fight." There will be pain, there will be tears, and there will be sadness - in those moments you know it's real because you care. The people you love the most can disappoint you more than anyone, it just works that way because they matter more than other people. Love grows from those hard times and makes the good ones much sweeter. Love is support, it is honesty, and never being afraid to say what's on your mind. Never being afraid to talk about the future, or the past. As much happiness as it can bring, love also grows in those quiet moments after a big fight, when no one readily apologizes or even says a word.

It is not a competition. It is not group dates or a forced proposal after weeks of barely knowing one another.   If you want a competition watch cooking shows, game shows, singing and talent competitions, but love needs to be left off that list.


  1. Ugh, I feel you on this one! Sure it's entertaining to watch but I feel bad for anyone that takes is seriously. I do actually think that it used to be about finding love but the people they get now are really just looking to get famous and get on other shows. My favorite are the girls that cry the first night about how heartbroken they are over the guy they just met and said 3 sentences to.

    xo, jill
    Classy with a Kick

    1. Exactly! I think it all started with good intentions, but it's turned into this ugly, obnoxious primetime event. I hope that if anyone is watching it's solely for the purpose of making fun of the lunatics. That probably sounds horrible, but I don't understand how anyone can take it seriously! It's just so bad.

  2. TRP plays a huge role today and every television channel is going out of its way by introducing such cheap tactics in the name of Reality shows in order to garner more advertisers for the shows and for them. So you can see mock fights between judges and contestants of the talent shows, contestants hurling choicest of bad words at their fellow contestants, insulting eachother and mocking emotions!Great post!

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