Friday, December 14, 2012

a heavy heart for newtown, connecticut.

My Mom stopped in for a quick visit Thursday night with my six youngest siblings. Norah and I were sitting on the couch when the kids rushed in, terrifying her. Their little voices echoed through our townhouse as they laughed at her reindeer antlers and asked if they could pet her. I had to warn them against biting, but a few hisses got the message across before she retreated to the stairwell.

They told me about how they had just went shopping, that they got to eat at McDonald's, and they all asked what they were getting for Christmas. Kyle wanted to know if we had an Xbox. Rachel wanted to show me her new clothes. Emma wanted to know which present beneath the tree was hers. Noah wanted to know what books he should read. Isabella told me that she still didn't like reading. And my Sam was thirsty, and wanted to play a board game. Six little people, four-years-old to fourteen, all going on about something. It was loud. My Mom had to tell more than one of them to be quiet. I couldn't even answer all of their questions, or keep an eye on them. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I was so happy to get to see them, for them to stop by quickly on their way home. After today's horrific events in Connecticut I was even more glad that I got to spend even a few short minutes with them, give hugs and kisses and exchange "I love yous" as they rushed out the door to get their seats for the ride home.

What happened today in Newtown, Connecticut  at Sandy Hook Elementary was beyond tragic. No one should ever be harmed in such a senseless act, but for innocent little children to lose their lives... There is no acceptable reason. There are no right words. I can't fathom being a parent, sending my child to school where they're supposed to be safe, and then getting news like what happened today. My heart aches for those parents who rushed to the school and their children were not waiting for them like so many others. My heart aches for the families of the educators who lost their lives trying to protect all of those children, the ones who were able to safely evacuate and those who were not so lucky. Those people are all heroes, going above and beyond, sacrificing themselves.

When I first saw the story break there were no reports for who was injured or the status of the shooter, within the hour the number escalated from two hospitalized to 27 deceased. 27. Twenty little people whose lives had only begun, six adults who died trying to protect them, and one individual who caused so much pain and grief before taking his own life. There will never be a reason for this, an explanation, never one that will make any of us feel better or make it okay. It will never be okay. This story will continue to unravel, families will be interviewed and stories of lost children and adults will make their way through the media. We'll learn more about the shooter than anyone in his real life probably ever knew about him, and it will never be enough. All 27 people are victims, even him.

I wanted to rush to my sibling's elementary school and scoop them all up, take them to my parent's house, make popcorn and watch movies the rest of the day. I wanted to remind them that they are special and loved. I wanted to hug them, kiss their little rosy cheeks, and give them all of their Christmas presents early. I think every parent(/sibling/individual with any compassion for children) in this country had the urge to pull their babies out of school today, to shower them in hugs and kisses, and never let them go back. This has been a traumatizing event. I hope the future will bring changes for the better - fewer guns, more safety measures, something, anything to avoid another day like this.

The children, parents, and entire town of Newtown will be on my mind of some time, I know I'm not alone. I can't imagine the pain being felt, the confusion some children are experiencing... I remind myself that it will take time, a lot of time, but things will get better. I can only keep these families in my thoughts, hope that they find a way to make it through this, and that one day the poor children who made it out of the school don't remember this day, or for those who are older let it merely be a distant memory, one that doesn't even seem real.

1 comment:

  1. I know this is a couple of weeks late, but I just want to say that this was incredibly beautifully written and I can only agree wholeheartedly with everything you wrote. It's beyond tragic, beyond words even, and something like this should never, ever happen. They didn't even get to live their lives, they were just beginning. It's unfathomably sad.

    Sofie /


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