Tuesday, August 7, 2012

wedding planning confessions...

I've had quite a few friends get married the last few years and inevitably they ask for help in one area or another with things for their ceremony, reception, and sometimes both. I've always tried to be a good friend and help when asked, but I haven't always been completely truthful in answering their questions and after talking to a co-worker, I was pretty happy to find out I wasn't the only one. So what is it that I haven't been 100% with my friends about? Well, nothing that I think they would get mad over, but here are the things I'm talking about and maybe you can relate:

-One friend wanted playlist suggestions for her reception, and she specifically asked me. I gave her a list with a lot of options, good ones too, but not one of them was a song I would want played at my wedding. I was not willing to lend all of my favorites, or anything they may have been meaningful to me, to someone else's wedding.


-Along those same lines, another friend wanted a few songs that could play for her ceremony. Knowing we had similar music tastes, once again I was very careful about what songs I suggested. I've said it once and I'll say it again: music has played a huge part in mine and J's relationship. I feel like if you're asking for suggestions then the music may not have as much meaning to you, so I'm not going to offer up anything I would specifically want for our wedding.


-I've had friends select wedding colors that are just not going to look good for the overall theme/style/location of their wedding but they are in love with their plans and at the end of the day, that's just my opinion. Even when they've asked "Do you think this will look good?" I've kept my personal opinion to myself and evaluated whatever we're talking about in a way that reflects their style/choices. It's easier to be helpful than cause problems and it's not my day to make decisions about. (Although if anyone was planning anything that looked absolutely terrible, that I would have been completely honest about it.)

-When someone says "I made a pinboard so everyone in the wedding party can pin their favorite wedding ideas, that way we can all work and plan together!" well, I wouldn't touch that with a ten-foot-pole. If you truly want something unique for your wedding day, don't share it with the world or any friend whose wedding day will come before yours, they may just like your idea so much that they use it. (Not necessarily maliciously, some people just don't realize that doing things like that will cause problems or that they're taking your plans.) By all means share things with them that you think are great ideas for them, but if it's something you really want, keep it secret, keep it safe. (Yes, that was a Lord of the Rings reference.) If you put it on the table for someone else that kind of makes it fair game.

Side note for Pinterest users: I learned the hard way to stop pinning things I really want for my actual wedding to Pinterest. A girl I know started planning her wedding one way, and then started following me on Pinterest, liking and re-pinning everything, and by the time her wedding rolled around she had literally replicated my board. Rage/fury at first, and then I saw which DIY projects didn't work out and now I know what to skip for our day. At least, that's how I'm trying to put a positive spin on it.

Weddings are hard enough without unnecessary tension being created because someone "stole your idea" so if you don't want that risk, don't over share. It sounds silly, but as stressful as wedding planning is the less room for any kind of drama on any end, the better. I may be asking for help later myself, and if any of my friends skirt around fine details that they want to save for themselves, that's just fine by me.

Have you ever kept plans to yourself that you didn't want someone else to use for their own celebration of any kind? I'm not even limiting this to weddings, but birthday parties, showers, anything really.



13 comments:

  1. this is so sweet :) adorable blog girl! cant wait to read more!

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  2. Oh gosh. The wedding world is surely a crazy world. I agree, sometimes when you have a strong sense of personal style, it can be hard to be honest with people about how something looks, etc. Sometimes I just want to be like, "Here, how about we switch this and this?" but in the end, I know this may not be well received. My friends often ask me to go shopping with them to look for outfits and my tried and true key phrase is always "well, it's not my favorite" which is a gentle way of saying "please don't buy that." That seems to work.

    And yes, guard everything that you don't want to see at everyone else's wedding. Guard them with everything you've got :)

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  3. I love this. We've already talked about this but YES, I am keeping things secret/not pinning them because I have a friend that's wedding planning CRAZY. She isn't engaged yet but has things planned down to the budget (not judging, her life, but for me that would be too weird) Anyway - she started repinning everything I put up. Now, I don't necessarily plan to use all these things but still... I don't want them stolen. So now, I'm just saving things that I want and pinning others that I may or may not use. Oh well!

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  4. i agree! one of my friends was getting married before me and she put up everything she was doing I think someone mite steal the stuff your doing and also if you do that then their is no surprise.

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  5. Stopping by from the hop. This is hilarious! People crack me up with their wedding antics. I totally kept things to myself, especially from those close to getting engaged/were engaged and planning. Great post! Would love for you to check out details of a new, fun link up I'm co-hosting on my blog.

    http://theaustinfamilydiary.blogspot.com/2012/08/10-day-you-challenge.html

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  6. Ah I know exactly how you feel. I joined Pinterest well before any of my friends. A girl I went to high school with was planning her wedding and I suggested Pinterest for some crafty ideas ( she's a DIYer like me) and BAM almost everything I wanted for my OOAK wedding party, she had at hers, which my parents went to and keep raving about how unique it was! Somethings are just best kept to ourselves.
    And there's nothing wrong with offering suggestions/advice that may be good for a couple but not something you'd choose for yourself!

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  7. I never thought I'd care about this sort of thing, but when someone who attended my wedding started using decor {and venue!} that was just like mine I got a little irked. I don't know why though, I loved my wedding + realize that it's impossible for them to be so unique. I guess we just like to make our day special for us.

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  8. Great Blog! I'm a new follower from the Return The Favor Blog Hop :) I remember the days of wedding planning...it's so much work but worth it to be stress-free (as much as possible) on your special day. I LOVE that you and your finace blogged together when you started dating! So Cute!

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  9. Hi! I'm your newest follower from the blog hop! Come over a visit me sometime today and check out the available ad space, PERFECT for GROWING and advertising your blog in September! :)

    I love your blog, girl! And you and your man's story! I SO agree with you on the pin board thing! Sort of like baby naming... no sharing of the name until afterwards! And then it seems like everyone else's child has the SAME name once you do. Haha

    xoxo ♥ Shar
    http://sharmartinez.blogspot.com

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  10. I pin stuff that I like for everyone to see, but for the stuff I LOVE I keep it to myself. I did this for my sister-in-law's bridal shower I was throwing! She had 3 of them and I selfishly didn't want anyone to steal the ideas before I got to use them.

    Ironically enough, my sister-in-law used some of the same things at her wedding that I used in mine (favours, decor, honeymoon location)and it didn't bother me as much as I thought it would.

    I came on over from the blog hop over at Yours Truly - can't wait to read more of your writings!

    Torrie
    http://freespiritreigns.blogspot.ca

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  11. Hi sweet lady! I love your blog!!! I just found you via Wonder Forest and am SO GLAD that I did! I'm your newest follower! xoxo

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  12. I use gimme bar to pin things I want to keep for myself and pinterest for things I want to share, I've learned the hard way and not for a wedding that people will do everything you pin. Good luck with Wedding planning, Im a former wedding photographer and can answer any question you may have about most anything wedding related, so hit me up if you need any help.

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  13. oh how awful that someone would steal all your wedding ideas ! I would be fuming.

    http://myfroley.blogspot.com

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